When you wake up and receive some really awful news, it definitely does not help you get started on the right foot. I have been trying for almost two years to surface from this feeling of drowning, and today I felt like I was sinking just a little bit further into the depths.
My heart felt like it was being torn apart by ravaging wolves, and I just burst out into tears.
It is almost like every time I receive any kind of bad news this is what happens to me, and I know it is not the most normal response. For the last two years, I have been persevering despite not knowing or understanding exactly what was wrong with me. My parents brought it to my attention after the trauma of 2014. PTSD became my diagnosis despite only being 26 years old, and probably one of the happiest people you will ever meet. A deep rooted fear creating havoc in my life all this time, and with no end in sight. I have been determined to overcome this obstacle in my life. However when I receive less than favorable news, I tend to feel this overwhelming sense of anger, frustration and above all fear.
So how do I manage that debilitating feeling that accompanies this kind of news? I meditate. Yes it is true, I sit on a cushion in silence. It brings me focused concentration, and answers. I sat today for 20 minutes in silence, focused on my breath and counting inhales/exhales and finally as the meditation came to a close, I imagined myself taking in warm, light radiant energy. This energy filled me, and dissolved my fears, worries, and troubles with each breath. The answers came to me- Go to yoga- go to Moksha, the hot room, where all those magical things happen, and so I did.
The movement of yoga helps my body rid itself of the poison my mind creates with fear, anger and frustration. It builds up in the muscles, and joints and creates pain in my lower back. I knew yoga class will help me work out the muscles in my back and I would feel better, but sometimes when you just can not take any more bad news you want to curl up on the couch, and watch movies all day long, not moving or seeing a single person. This is what I wanted to do when I woke up this morning, but after 60 minutes of present moment-pure bliss, my body felt 100% better.
I am so genuinely grateful for yoga and everything it has given me the last couple years, freedom of pain, love, community, happiness, stress relief, and of course transformation.